The F-Bomb – An Important Part of Anger Management
Isn’t using the F-bomb part of what got in in trouble in the first place? How is that supposed to be anger management?
I’m not talking about the F-bomb that you are thinking of. I’m referring to one that is much more powerful (but harder) to use – forgiveness.
Most people think I am out of my f-bombing mind when I raise that idea. But thats usually because most people confuse forgiveness with weakness or being a wimp. Many say “How am I supposed to get back at the person who did this wrong to me if I go around forgiving everyone?”
Here’s another way to think about it – rather than rolling over, forgiveness is actually acknowledging that someone did something wrong to you and that you deserve better treatment.
Right about now you might be thinking to yourself, “hows that?” Well, many of us think of anger as a way of keeping the one who did them wrong in a kind of emotional prison. As long as they held onto the anger and bitterness that person stays in jail. But when you really stop and think about it, the only one who is really in an emotional prison is you. Usually the person you are angry with is either unaware, doesn’t care or simply don’t give it as much thought as you. In the meantime, you’re obsessing yourself into a nice steady simmer what was done to you. The person who angered you is on vacation and you are the one in prison! Your anger management problem ends up affecting you more than the one who hurt you. Is it just me or is there something wrong with this picture?
You might ask, “does this really work?”. In a word, yes. To give one example. A study conducted by research psychologists Suzanne Freedman and Robert Enright 12 women who were survivors of childhood incest. All were anxious, depressed and suffering from low self esteem before beginning the study. The participants were divided into two groups of six. One group received training on forgiving their perpetrator and the other received no training at all. After completing the training, all six women in the forgiveness group reported less depression and anxiety on average and their sense of hopefulness increased. All six were able to forgive the perpetrator in one fashion or another.
An anger management class should help you to understand that forgiveness is the key to unlocking the prison door. There is not some automatic “click” that sets you free. You must choose to walk out of that cell. Some have lived with the label of “angry victim” for so long that it’s become part of them. They’d rather live in the cell because at least they know what to expect there. Forgiveness frees your from all that pent up anger. Its one of the strongest cures an anger management class can offer.
